Hans' Death

   On Dec 11, 1963 my mom wrote this letter to  the Department of Foster Care:
      "We have taken a whole week to consider and reconsider the case and cannot decide otherwise under our present circumstances.  When we, at first, agreed to accept your offer (for foster care for ans) is seemed a heaven sent solution to a problem. We were living in a small house that Martin wanted to rebuild.  A small house gets even smaller in the wintertime when the children have to stay inside most of the time, and we have four children besides Hans, two older than him and two younger.  the youngest being playpen size.  Hans hates the noise of hammering and sawing, probably because it hurts his head and we expected him to cry all the time Martin was working at the house.
   I write you this so you will understand why we said 'yes' then.  Under the circmstances we could not afford to say 'no', because it would hurt Hans and we felt that God was making a way for him and us to make his life bearable.  We have prayed much about him and we have  always felt that God would either heal him or take him away by the time we had learned the lesson He would teach us through Hans.  It was hard for me to accept that the State would relieve us from a cross, but still it was not impossible and as I said, we could not afford to say 'no' at that time.
   We filled out the application for the Lincoln State School and then sat down and waitied.  In the meantime, however,  we had to move out of our little house becuse its roof had become a fire hazard.  Twice a fire started by a spark out of the chimney on the tinder dry wooden shingles.  It did not do any damage at all, but we could not have a fire in the stove anymore and we moved out.  Now we are renting a house that has plenty room for all of us, including Hans, while Martin is doing the rebuilding he has planned on our own house without bothering Hans with the noise.
   All these things happened so fast and we felt so strongly the protection and guidance of God's hand that we can only thankfully say that God has given His solution to Hans' particular problem and to a few other problems, too.  As I said, we have taken a whole week to consider this matter and we realize that this is for us a chance which many not come back in years, and that Hans may become a problem again and again, but we feel that we don't have a right to worry about that.  Our belief that we do not need the State to take care for our family has once more been established, even though at first we were ready to give in, in face of the difficulties we saw ahead."

       
   Then comes the letter to Dr Schwartz on Dec 31. 1963
   "We hearby let you know that our son Hans died still quite unexpectedly last week, Thursday, December 26, round 1 o'clock in the afternoon.  So the head circumference we sent you December 11th has ha s been the last one.  We hope they have been of service to you."

   Hans died at age 4 years, and 26 days.  I was 15 months old when Hans was born and a little more than 5 years old when he died. I have no direct recollections of my life at that time. What I know about Hans is from the stories told by Mom and by these letters I've found since she's died. But I believe that his life, and my parents' response to the challenge set before them, influenced me and prepared me to be Emily's mother.

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you." I believe that Hans and Emily were not accidents, that God forms each one of us, and knows each one of us individually.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   I believe that Hans and Emily (and each one of us) have a purpose to fulfill here, and when that's done, we're gone.

I believe that this life on this earth is but a blink in our existence, that there is very much more to our eternity. And I believe that Hans and Emily are not in my past, but in my future.


  

Han's life

   In Nov. of 1960, when Hans was 11 months old, Mom wrote this letter to the Crippled Children's.

   "The hole in his back is completely overgrown and there is no longer risk for infection.  He has been growing like an average baby, he eats quite normally for his age, though he does not try to chew; he likes to watch his brother and sister at play, laughs at them, but does not play himself.  Though he moves his hands, he does not have any feeling in them and he does not use them . His head is not too big, but rather heavy, it grows very slowly, about 1 cm a month.  He looks very healthy, but we don't know how long he will stay with us.  We hope it won't be too long though, for life cannot be much fun like that, even not for a baby"
   "We would like to hear from you whether Crippled Children or any other institution would like to have his body after death.  We don't attach any value to corpses and we would like it, if it could be used for some kind of medical research.  Please let us know, too, the address of the association who takes in and gives out corneas of eyes.  As I said, Johannes looks healthy and he may be with us for some more years, but we want to know what to do in case something happens to him"
                        
   Amazing that Hans had an open wound with direct access to the brain, he had no infection a 11 months.  Amazing that in 1960, our parents were proactive to think about medical research and organ donation as a way to have Hans' life be significant.
   The DSCC (division of Services for Crippled Children) replied:

    "If in the future, the care of your son becomes too much for you, I would suggest that you go to the State's Attorney and file papers to have the child admitted to the Lincoln State School.  There is a long waiting list at the present time..."

   In the 1960's, it was common for children with diabilities to live in facilities, rather than with their families.  Caroline, child #4 was born Feb, '61. My parents sent this letter in March of 1961.

   "It might be a good idea to try to get him on the waiting list for Lincoln State School, although we don't want to bring him here or anywhere else as long as we can take care of him ourselves, unless an institution would be better for him."

   and in Oct of 1961:

   "We appreciate your interest in Hans, and I should write you more often how he is coming along.  But my family keeps me so busy and there is really no change at all since our last visit in April."   

                        
   5th child, Wilma was born in March of 1963.  Mom wrote this letter to DSCC in Sept '63:

   "It's almost two years ago since you last heard from us.  There has been no change in Hans' general condition since you have seen us in April, 1961.  He still spends his days in the same stroller, fingering the same baby-gymset a little with his right hand, laughing at some sounds and crying at others.  He has some sores on his head, of which I have given up hope to ever see them healed. They apparently drain enough to keep his head from growing.  I keep them clean and covered with bandages, boiled in boric acid and that helps them get smaller, but then they get swollen and red from pressure from within and the new skin comes off and we can start all over again.  It does not seem to hurt him much though, except that he does not want to sleep on his left side.  His sores on the right side are worse, but he does not care and sleeps good, but he stays awake for hours on his left side till I give in and there is peace for the rest of the night.  His head measures 71 cm now and has not grown since last January."
   Mom regularly sent Hans' head measurements to Dr Henry G Schwartz, Neuro-surgeon at Barnes Hospital in St. Louis.
   Jan '62 - 65 cm
   Oct' 62 - 70 cm
   Feb '63 - 71 cm
 
   In Oct '63, my parents considered an option to place Hans in foster care.  To do so, Hans had to be on the waiting list at the Lincoln State School. This description was included in that application.

  "Johannes is paralyzed from waist down, he has had some use of his left hand, but does not use it anymore; he plays some with his right hand with a cradle-gym hanging over his stroller in which he spends his days.  He does not walk, does not talk, does not chew, taking only liquid or mashed foods.  His head started growing right after birth and measures now 71 cm in circumference, it has not grown since last January.  He knows his parents and brothers and sisters and likes to watch them, but it is impossible to say how much or little he understands."

   To be continued - tomorrow.
  

Hans birth

    I recently came across a file folder with letters written by ,and to, my mother.  It was simply labeled "HANS".  Until this reading, I had not known the details of his life.  I'm sure that I still do not fully grasp the faith and strength of my parents during that time.  
 
    My Mother gave birth to 5 children within the span of 6 years, 1 month and 9 days.  I was child number two and my brother Hans was next in line.  
   My parents had immigrated from Holland in Dec, 1956.  My oldest brother, Martin, was born in a hospital in Michigan on Valentine's day in 1957.  The experience was very different from what was the norm in Holland, and my parents found it unacceptable.  They wanted a family-centered, home birth. When it was time for me to be born, Dr. Lucas (who had delivered Martin), was persuaded by Mrs. Lucas to came to the house to attend my birth. 
   Our family moved from Michigan to Herrin, IL in Oct, 1958.  We lived with the Verkamman's, a Dutch family with whom my parents had immigrated.  When Mom became pregnant again, each Dr. in town was approached and each refused to come for a home birth.  On Nov 30th, 1959,  Hans was born at home with only my father and Nellie Verkamman in attendance.  My two sisters, also born at home, followed in close succession, the youngest on March 23, 1963.
   But this story is about Hans.  At the delivery, Tante Nellie saw that there was a open area on the small of his back. The Dr. was called and Hans was taken, via the Johnson's funeral home hearse (which also served as ambulance) to St. Louis Children's hospital.  He was sent home Dec 12th and my parents were told Hans had Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus, and that he was "a hopeless case." 


            
  

   I remember Mom saying that she was glad that the Dr's had made the decisions for Hans' outcome, since they had, she and Pop didn't have to.
   Here's a portion of a letter written by Mom on Jan 7, 1960, to the "Division of Services for Crippled Children" who had paid the hospital bill.  (note that my Mom spoke no English just 4 years earlier)
   You might be interested in how the boy is doing and we are glad to report that he is in as good a shape as can be, considering the circumstance.  The wound in his back is steadily growing smaller but still draining a little, while his head expands not so far.  Most amazing however are the leg movements he displays and that at an increasing rate and strength. How this is possible we don't know yet.  We always believed in miracles and that is precisely what it would be if our son would live and recover in spite of the odds.
   Meanwhile we are very, very thankful for your part in the miracle and we will do what we can in every way to promote Chrippled Children.  Please call on us if there is something we can do to help you out, other than with regular donations. 
   Please find $5.00 enclosed and again thank you, thank you very much.
       I try to put myself in my Mom's shoes.  three babies in 2 1/2 years; one baby with a disability; her own family across the ocean, their only communication through snail mail. I can only imagine the isolation she must have felt, to live a strange land, to be exposed to a foreign culture, and to learn a new language. No washer, no dryer, no Pampers, (just think about the laundry!),no diswasher, no TV.   She was dependant on her husband, good friends and on her faith in God!!
   Another statement Mom had made about Hans and miracles, that on hindsight, it probably was a good thing that Hans had not been miraculously healed of his condition. Could they have given ALL the glory to God, or would that have been a seed of vanity/pride planted in their spirits?  

   To be continued in the next post.