The thought still comes to me, not as often as it used to, but still on a daily basis. Why are we doing this? Why did we leap outside our comfort zone? It’s one thing to be forced into change when the unforeseen things happen in our lives. When the unplanned things happen, we have no choice but to find “new normal” lives. But to do it willingly?
I ask “Why?” when I feel lonely. I miss Seth’s hug and humor. I miss the sounds of simple joys shared on Granny days. I miss my friends, those kindred spirits that hold the secrets of my soul and love me despite.
I ask “Why?” when I feel lost, when I am at work and I’m the ‘new girl’, and the learning curve is steep and I feel stupid. I used to know where supplies where kept, where other departments were, what the preferences for each doctor was. I used to be the educator of new nurses and residents and of students. I used to be smart, and I miss that me.
I ask “Why?” when I feel like I am in limbo-land. Now, having finished week five of a 13 week contract, I realize that we are almost halfway to picking up and moving to another new city, with another new job, another new grocery store, another new salon, another new everything.
But a treasured friend reminded me “You can’t have the rainbow without the rain.” So I turned the coin over and the “Why’s” that were the rain of this adventure, became the rainbow!
Being lonely at times means I am blessed to have someone to be lonely for. Social media became a lifeline for connectedness. Relationships with family and friends are more precious, less taken for granted. The lyrics from a song from my Girl Scout days goes like this "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold". I am not replacing jewels, I am collecting more.
Being the ‘new girl’ means that I am free of the pressure of living up to other people’s expectations and I’m reminding myself that it’s OK to let someone else be the over-achiever. The challenge of learning keeps me sharp and the hazy dullness that was creeping in my mind is gone.
My auto-pilot life of daily routines is transformed. I no longer make a daily things-to-do list that never gets completed. Some days, Ray and I explore the new surrounding and other days we are content to be together in the 34 foot space we now call home.
And If you really stretch your imagination, every vehicle has a face. I’m serious here. The eyes are the windshield and the grill is the mouth. Yesterday, Ray picked me up from work, and as we pulled into our drive at the campsite, our motorhome smiled at me. I breathed out the peace I felt, “Ahhh, it is so good to be home”.