Delays and Detours

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. And although that is a mathematical truth, it is not reality in life.

There's birth and then there's death - 2 points.  But the life between those points is more like a roller coaster than a straight line. There's ups and downs, sharp turns and straight-a-ways. There's times you grasp the bar, white-knuckled, and screech with fear. There's times you throw your hands up in the air and squeal with delight, and times in between in which you just recover.

But this life isn't a carnival ride, It's real, and it's every day. And sometimes I just can't see past the 'downs' .

And then I read God's promise in Matt 28:20  I am with you all the days and on every occasion.  He's with me in the rain and in the rainbow.  He's with me in the darkest night and the brightest day.

A couple of years ago, I was driving the interstate and saw the sign "detour ahead". I groaned. I was alone in the car, but almost audibly, I heard these words: (I pulled off and wrote them down)

                Don't be discouraged in the hard stuff.
                Don't dispair the bad stuff.
               Don't be be dismayed with the delays and detours.
        For I AM the All Wise, All Powerful, Always Present God.

Amen and Amen.

His creation

 I quilt, I scrapbook, I plant my garden, I write.  That sounds like a list of hobbies. But it's more than that. Much more.  It's soul work.
 Creating.  Taking random thoughts, or objects, and through great effort, slowly transforming them into a unique being.

 Maybe it has to do with 'slowly'. My world is so fast paced.
 Maybe it has to do with 'mine'. I escape into me and my creation.
 Maybe it has to do with 'single focus'.  No multi-tasking here. All other demands are set aside.
 Probably, it's because,  as I change it, it changes me. I am at peace, I am content.

In the beginning, it's just me and an idea. As I work it and rework it, I become bonded to it.  And by  the time it is finished, I am in love with it.

Genesis 1:27 So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him.
Psalm 139:13  For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. 

If I fall in love with my creations, I can only imagine what God feels about His; what He feels for me!

                                     The Creation
                               by James Weldon Johnson

Then God sat down--
On the side of a hill where he could think;
By a deep, wide river he sat down;
With his head in his hands,
God thought and thought,
Till he thought: I'll make me a man!

Up from the bed of the river
God scooped the clay;
And by the bank of the river
He kneeled him down;
And there the great God Almighty
Who lit the sun and fixed it in the sky,
Who flung the stars to the most far corner of the night,
Who rounded the earth in the middle of his hand;
This great God,
Like a mammy bending over her baby,
Kneeled down in the dust
Toiling over a lump of clay
Till he shaped it in is his own image;

Then into it he blew the breath of life,
And man became a living soul.
Amen.Amen. 
       for the entire Poem, (and I encourage you to do it, cause it is good!)
                                double click on this link 
                 https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-creation/

Can you feel the love?   Like a mammy bending over her baby.  That kind of love. The great God Almighty kneeled in the dust, toiled over a lump of clay, didn't stop until it was perfect.  That kind of love!

                              Oh how He loves you. Oh how He loves me. 
                                         Oh how He loves you and me.

 Slow down, escape, focus, change. Be at Peace.

to the girls of Sue Mitchell's girl scout troop

An open letter to the girls of Sue Mitchell’s Girl Scout troop,                                       Jan. 3, 2018

    My heart goes out to each of you as you are dealing with Amber’s death. Having faced death before, I’ve learned a bit about how to live in the life after death. I hope you will let me share.

    First of all, grief is not something you will “get over” or “get through”. Grief is now part of your life’s journey. While she was alive, you were profoundly changed by your relationship with Amber  and now, you are profoundly changed by her death. You cannot go “back to the way it was”, or  “back to normal”. But here is the hope: The pain you feel now will not always be this constant or this sharp. You will find a new normal, a good normal, even, a happy normal.   So how do you do that?

1.  Realize that grief is different than depression, but also realize that you can get “stuck in grief” and with that comes depression.

   Right now, the crying, the loneliness, the ‘sinking into the memories, unable to function kind’ of sadness is typical.  But as time goes by,  you will make a decision, either consciously or unconsciously: Does grief control me, or do I control grief? 

2.  Acknowledge that although grief is a permanent presence in your life, you get to make the rules about what he (grief) can do, and when he can do it. 

3. Beware of the ambushes.  Memories are great, until they come at the wrong time, in the wrong place, and you lose it in the middle of Krogers and strangers wanna call you an ambulance and they don’t understand that your heart is broken, and the ER can’t fix it. 

4. Put your grief in a box.  It’s a bit of embarrassing to have a full blown grief attack at  Krogers, or at work, or in the middle of family Christmas, so what do you do with grief when he wants to run uncontrolled in your life?  You put him in a box.  Not a cardboard box, but a box in your mind. You might think that it would be a good thing to put the lid on tight and never open it because if you do, all the memories and pain and grief will come out. But if you don’t control when that lid comes off, it becomes like a ‘Jack-in-the-box’ and the crank turns and turns and without warning, it pops open and all the contents fly out all over everyone around.

   For a while, keep that box on a low shelf in your mind. Open it a lot.  Open it intentionally, on your terms.  Choose when and how you will grieve. As time goes by, you’ll find that you will open it less and less.  You may feel guilty about that. You might feel like you are forgetting Amber, and that you are dishonoring her memory. But that’s just part of walking your journey.  I remember laying on Emily’s grave about 6 months out.  The guy mowing the cemetery stopped to check on me.  I told him that I felt guilty that I was only coming once a week instead of every day.  He told me “I’ve been watching you.  You’re right on schedule. That’s just the way it is. It means you’re healing up.”  Those words freed me from the obligation to stay stuck in the same spot in my journey.  He freed me from being stuck in grief.  You will always have that box with you, and amazingly, one day when you open that box, you’ll discover that those same memories that cause you so much pain now, have morphed into your prized possession. 

5.  Give your grief a job. Like having a benefit, or writing a note to Adrianna. Like “adopting a kid” in a 3^rd world country, or setting up a scholarship, or volunteering to feed the homeless. Easing someone else’s suffering, somehow, eases yours.  And somehow, it will give meaning to a meaningless death. Amber is like a stone thrown into a pond. Her life rippled into ours.   And her ripples will continue with anything you do to honor of her memory.

6. Be gentle with yourself and with others.  Your grief is proportional to the relationship you had with Amber. Just as your relationship with Amber was different from everyone else’s, so your grief will be different as well.  Don’t put expectations on others to grieve the same as you. And don’t expect yourself to grieve the same way others do.  All that will do is to isolate you from the other people who loved Amber, too.

   That's enough for now.  Keep on walking.  And if you find yourself stuck, call me, text me, friend me.  618-889-0587

  I send you love and hugs,

Anne