I have the dubious honor of being the executor of my parents' estate. That's the fancy title for the person who is legally responsible for sorting out the leftovers of the lives of my parents. Gratefully, I'm not alone in this. My siblings have also been shouldering a great deal of the weight of the cleanup of the house and property. The five of us were unified in the caring for my parents during their last years, and have remained so since their death. But, since neither of my parents made a Will, the court became involved to assure that everthing is handled fairly. Hence the title - executor of the estate.
Both my parents were readers and writers. Both saved files and files of clipped newspaper articles on vast varieties of topics. Both were prolific writers of 'letters to the editor' in which they expressed their opinions. Mom wrote a daily journal - years and years worth. Pop saved obituaries. Both kept every card and every letter they received
This past year, I've spent countless hours sorting through the mountains of paper in their house. I've tossed the majority of it, but still have a pile that begs attentive reading.
I'm surprised to find that as I read, I don't feel the emotional baggage of being their daughter. I read with curiosity, and discover aspects of my parents lives that I hadn't known before. I put myself in their shoes, and even though I disagree with some of the decisions they made and some of the paths that they chose for their family, I realize that they did the best that they knew and the best that they could at that time.
I read a letter to my mom, from her brother as he responded to her previous letter to him. She had written: "If I had known then what I know now, or if I had been who I am now, I might have .... I have repented of that, and accept my part of the present effect of it in our lives."
My uncle wrote so wisely: "Since you did not know then what you know now and you were not then what you are now, I see no need to repent or lie awake over all the might-have-beens that could-not-have-been anyway."
The vocabulary of REGRET is: I should have... I shouldn't have... If only.... I wish I had.... I wish I hadn't.... The subsequence of regret is BONDAGE. It ties you up emotionally, prevents you from from being happy. STOP IT. If you need to, apologize for it. If you broke it, fix it. Then don't ever do it again. Just don't sit around in regret. What a wast of time.
Then, remind yourself "Don't Should on yourself and don't let anyone else Should on you!"
