Control and Trust

 We watched a movie the other night.  "War Room".  It's about a woman in a failing marriage who learns to pray, to trust God, rather than trust in herself.

 I like to feel like I am in control. I want to have input in any given situation. I want to know who is going to do what, and when and where and how it is going to affect me and mine. Being in control makes me feel safe.

   But really, it comes down to trust.  Who, but I, do I trust take care of me.  As a Christian, I like to say that I trust God, the Father. But in reality, I'm pretty independent in my decision making, and then I ask God to bless my choices. 

   My career move into travel nursing has been a challenge to my need for control.  There are a lot of "unknowns" in this adventure.  But I believe that God sets my feet in the paths I should go. And I believe in divine appointments, those not-so-coincidental meetings that just happen.

   Up to this point, things have gone well.   After each assignment, it's been easy to see why I have been in that particular place at that particular time.  In one place, I was there to help a mother do her birth in the manner she wanted-all natural. In another place, I was there to encourage a mom who unexpectedly gave birth to a baby with Down Syndrome.  In another, I was there to help a family start down their journey of grief after a loss of their baby.   (I am, in no way, saying that without me, these things wouldn't have been done.  There are excellent nurses in each of those hospitals who would have done what I did.  But I am saying that in those situations, God used me to "help in the way that I have been helped.)   And in every assignment,  I have met staff that have blessed me more than I have blessed them.

   But this choice of assignments, is challenging me to really trust God.  Right here, right now, is where  the rubber hits the road.  And that is only figuratively, because Ray and I have chosen not to take a travel assignment this next 13 weeks.  We have a grand baby due to be born within the next week or so and want to spend a few months at home. 

    The plan is that I will pick up shifts at my home hospital.  But the availability of shifts is dependent on high census or low staffing.  And that's something I can't control. AAUUGGHH
    
  I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I am not in control of a situation. That anxiety is the barometer that lets me know when I am not fully trusting God to take care of me.

   Watching that movie was not a coincidence.  It was a divine appointment. God used that movie to show me that even when I think that I have no control of a situation, I still do.  I control my response to that situation.  Am I going to trust in me, or am I going to trust in God?
  
   This substantial decrease in income is where the "Trust in God" challenge comes in.   I'll let you know how it goes.


    Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  He will make your paths straight.