Monday, December 10, 2012

ghosts of Christmas past

   At one time I fancied myself a fairly good photographer, but now I leave that to the professionals. I take pictures, (lots of pictures), to preserve my memories.  I look at pictures to conjure up those memories.  This weekend I spent time remembering the ghosts of Christmas past.

1st Santa, 1st Christmas

sweet temptation
notice that the tree is in the playpen, Emily still managed to eat a light
                                                             never afraid
                                       Emily & Seth, what a hoot, that pair
                                                   Anne & Emily

The year she cut her own hair - Emily & Santa at school 
 at the Annual Mileur Christas auction, Emily won this bid

    Memories are fickle things. They slide in and out of my consciousness, much like I image a ghost would enter and exit a room; sometimes invited, sometimes not; sometimes fleeting, sometimes lingering.  Often times the memories bring a smile, other times a tear and sometimes both. Sometimes they're as welcome as an old friend, and sometimes I'm haunted by the could'ves, would'ves, and should'ves. But they're always welcome because, whether the memories are pleasant or not, they're better than nothing.
   This will be the 6th Christmas without Emily, the 2nd without Mom and the first since Pop died. Although last year I put up decorations, this year I haven't and probably won't. I mourn the time- honored traditions that are lost. My heart is fragile again and mostly, I feel numb.  
    But as I write, I realize that I am not the only person who juggles the past with the present.  Each of us have memories that play in our head while we live in the present. 
   The Word says in Ecc 3:4:  There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.   This message sets me free!  It allows me to remember and grieve the past, and yet, it gives me permission to celebrate the present.  This is the Christmas to make new traditions and to make new memories.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Anne,

    I love you! Love the photos of Emily & Seth through the years. I know the holidays are so hard for you, I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better. Know that I love you! You are so important to me.

    Peace, Love & Joy,