She made me believe

     I'm not a Bible thumping, preach it to the hills kind of girl. I'm just a believer in God. Period. I believe there is one God who sees all, knows all and is all. I don't believe in co-incidences. I believe that God orchestrates all things in our lives - the" good" things and the "bad" things.   And the reason I believe... is because I've lived it.

   There used to be a TV show called "The 'A' Team" - a good guy/bad guy kind of show. At the end of the show, the leader of the good guys says, "I love it when a plan comes together."

   I can picture God, leaning against a tree, arms folded, a grin on His face, saying that about us. 

   Did you know she had Down Syndrome before she was born?" I hear that question a lot.  No, we didn't have that diagnosis before,but, looking back at it all, I now know that, for a very long time, God had been preparing me to be Emily's mother.     

                         

    You how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head and can't get it out?  It was kind of like that - except it wasn't a song, and it wasn't in my head.  It was a verse and it was in my heart. 

     "Do not look around you in terror and be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you, and I will hold you up and retain you with my victorious right hand of rightness and justice."  Isaiah 40:10 

    I first heard that verse when I was about 7 months pregnant.  Barb Munson gave it to me during church.

   Then, in  March of '91, I wrote in my journal:

             Dear Jesus, Your word says to Jeremiah (1:5) Before I formed you in the womb, I knew

             you.  Before you were born, I set you apart…" I know, Lord, that you know this child.  Set 

             this child apart as your servant, as a vessel who will be willing to be used by you. 

    As a nurse in Labor & Delivery, I was frequently asked during my pregnancy if I knew if my baby was a boy or a girl. I'd say "No." and invariably, the next statement would be, "Well, it doesn't really matter, as long as it's healthy." 

   That statement started bugging me, and by my 9th month, it was difficult not to retort back, "What would you do if it's not healthy?" 

    When I first saw her face, I knew Emily had Down Syndrome. 

                                                       

   I was not surprised, and neither was I immediately dismayed. That came later.  That evening, when everyone had finally gone home, and Emily was in the nursery, I sat in the shower for hours, heart broken, grieving for the "perfect"  baby that wasn't mine.  Then I remembered Isaiah 40:10.  When I came out, I had gotten past "Why me?" and had moved on to "What now?".   

   Used to be, at the hospital, that there were inspirational quotes printed on the the sugar packets.  On my supper tray, the sugar packet read: 

                           If you don't get the things that you want, think about the things

                           that you don't want, that you don't get."

   It no longer mattered that she wasn't "perfect" in my eyes, I knew she was perfect in His.

   It all made sense, too.  The seemingly unrelated incidences came together for one purpose.  God had prepared my heart to become Emily’s mother.