About Emily

   I wanted another baby.  Seth was 5 years old, I was 31. I felt time slipping away. I hoped that a baby would return the heart of my husband towards our family.  About halfway through the pregnancy, I knew that getting pregnant had been a mistake.  Instead of coming closer, he withdrew further, spending less and less time with Seth and me.
    My sister was pregnant, too. She was due a couple of weeks before I was. There was alot of turmoil going on in her life and marriage as well. 
   At church, one Sunday morning, Barb Munson came up to me and slipped a piece of paper in my hand.  She told me that God had told her to give it me.  On it was written this verse:
              Do not look around you in terror and be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you, and I will hold you up and retain you with my victorious right hand of rightness and justice." Isaiah 40:10
   At first, it was not a comforting verse.  I imagined all sorts of  "difficulties" scenerios.  I remember bargaining with God, that if the difficulty was to be in the pregnancies, that it should be in mine because I could handle it better than my sister.
      When Emily was born, the Dr. and nurses immediately knew she had Down Syndrome.  She was placed in my arms and as soon as I saw her face, I knew it, too.  But somehow, I wasn't surprised.  It was as if God had already prepared my heart for her.
   That's not to say that our journey was easy, but it was always interesting.  Joy and Grief were frequent visitors. I learned to trust God's wisdom, and to lean on His promise that He would always be with me.  I wrote this poem in 2003.

                                                                 WHO AM I? 

                             Who am I, to be entrusted with this forever-child?

                             What skills to guide her through her years?

                             What common language to still her fears ? 

                             Who am I to question that decision made?

                              She – my child, I – her mom, is not by happenstance,

                              But by His plan: her life, our dance.

                              And He who destined us to be,

                              Promised to perfect all that concerns me:

                              My circumstance, my willingness, and my ability.
                                                         Annemarieke

    Emily died on April 9th, 2007 from complications of ARDS - Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.  She was 16 years old.   Lacking a clear cause of death has been confusing, painful

   To read Emily's obituary, the transcript of the funeral sermon and a newspaper published tribute, click on this link.  Select "journal" and go to page 2. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/emilygipson

 
   I don't know why she came in my life, and I don't know why she left, but I am reminded of line from a song sung by Rock & Roll star Mick Jagger,

             "You don't always get what you want, but you always get what you need."